Today was neutral.
I spent the entire day with him.
It’s helping me get over the feelings I shouldn’t be feeling anymore.
Why should I stop feeling this way about him?
Nobody ever said it would be easy to discontinue loving someone on that far end of the spectrum.
I kept wanting to hold his hand on occasion. Maybe give him a little kiss or rub his head while we sat there in the car deciding where to eat. Resisting was quite painful.
I tried asking him a question about his level of happiness, but he’s not ready to start getting into that. I’m desperate to know, but I’ll wait.
I keep apologizing to him in my head. I’m crying on the inside. Pretending to be okay. I know that it’s going to be hard letting go of everything.
I came home to get some clean clothes. I walked into my bedroom, and sat on my bed. I broke down in tears; I feel destroyed inside. As if the cartoon character Tazmanian Devil fucked shit up inside my soul. I told him that I felt emotional pain when I got home. He sent me a sad face. If only there were such an emoticon that could express suffering, I’d send it.
Tomorrow I work with him. I’m certain it’ll be a good day. Perhaps a neutral day.
I’m heading back to see him, so we can watch a movie together. No more cuddling while we sleep.
I’d like to tell him I love him, but I’m scared that it will damage me. I know that it wont help us get over things.
Perhaps he will read this. Perhaps he wont.
I’ll be on my way soon. To see you.